Self-Esteem and Self-Acceptance

It seems like everywhere you look there are books and blogs and television segments on how to improve your self-esteem.  But what is self-esteem and why do we want to increase it, anyway?  Self-esteem relates to your sense of worth or excellence as a person.  To have a healthy self-esteem is to show concern or respect for yourself.  And the truth is the way we treat ourselves is the way we will allow or tolerate others to treat us.  Clearly, it is vitally important to have a healthy self-esteem so that we can treat ourselves and others in a respectful, kind, and personally responsible manner.

Self-esteem actually grows out of something called self-acceptance.  Self-acceptance is when we can accept our weaknesses or faults without an undue amount of self-punishment.  It is also when we can happily accept compliments, believe them, and acknowledge the good seen in us by others.  Many of us struggle to see the good in ourselves while focusing an inordinate amount of attention on what we perceive to be our faults or weaknesses.  How sad it is that we human beings often create stories about how and who we are, using the negatives we see, and cling to them as if they defined us absolutely, as if there was no possibility for change. 

But humans do possess free will and the ability to choose differently each day.  If you consider yourself to be a certain way, you will have created evidence in your life that you are this way.  Think of something you would like to accomplish, some big goal or dream that you have.  Now, instead of thinking of all the reasons why you can’t do it (because you are shy, or unintelligent, or lazy, or worthless, or some other imagination you have decided to believe about yourself) think of a positive trait that you know you possess.

  Let’s say you believe yourself to be bold or that you have boldness in you.  When facing a daunting task ask yourself what a bold person would do in that situation.  Now, act “as if” you were that bold person.  It will not be comfortable at first but this is okay.  You are starting the process of “fake it until you make it.”  Soon enough, as you act more boldly in all areas of your life, you self-esteem will grow.  The truth is you already possess the quality of boldness among a myriad of other positive traits.  It is just a matter of pulling it forth, and practicing it until you are comfortable.

Suggested Activity:  Grab your trusty pen and journal.  Think of a child in your life.  Think of all the characteristics he or she possesses.  Focus on the positives and write the list through the eyes of love you have for this little person.  Now, think about this.  You were a child once, and therefore possess from the day of your very birth all the amazing characteristics that you’ve just listed.  Maybe you haven’t been expressing certain characteristics on your list lately, but they are in you nonetheless.  How does knowing this change the way you see yourself? 

Be Courageous!

Dr. Todd Snyder

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